3 Ways to Guarantee a Successful Cuffing Season Experience
The sun leaves the party a bit earlier around 7pm. Your denim jacket is getting some playing time again. Red and orange leaves litter your driveways. October is here and that can only mean one thing: it’s cuffing season.
Also known as “The Season”, Cuffing Season begins in mid-Fall and lasts until you can switch the Thermostat toggle from “Heat” to “Cool” (or Fan, depending on where you reside). Now is when you decide the girl or guy (“partner” hereafter) you’ve been casually seeing during the 1 – 4 AM timeframe all summer is actually “let’s watch Netflix and cuddle afterwards” material.
Back in July, you would’ve greeted him/her in the morning with a glass of water (using last night’s Merlot-stained glass) and a charming, “Ahmed, your Uber, is like 2 minutes away.” But now it’s barely 60 Fahrenheit on a global warmingly good day and “meeting on a rooftop for happy hour” is a worthless proposition.
But before you trade away the gallivanting free spirit that defined your summer, remember this: your partner will basically become your roommate. And when that happens, he or she will care about last night’s outfit sprawled wallpapered all over your floor and the recycling bin that she’s never seen the bottom of. Keep this up, and you’ll be forced to venture out to the corner pub the same way Leonardo DiCaprio trudged through the frozen American wilderness in The Revenant. While Leo got an Oscar, you’ll end up watching football with a bunch of bros who were “too busy slaying to keep a clean, civil apartment.”
Here are three tips you can use to make ensure a successful Cuffing Season:
1) Establish set times in your Google calendar for, you guessed it, cleaning.
You establish reminders for you work meetings, don’t you? The trash gets collected at fixed times every week, right? Spin class doesn’t move according to your schedule, does it? Cleaning works the same way. This is an appointment you should set with yourself and honor it – it’ll take 5% as much time this way. Plus, your partner will marvel at your maturity and superior “adulting.”
Minutes add up. Spending 5-10 minutes as part of your nightly ritual filling your dishwasher, managing your hamper and depositing those obese bags of garbage outdoors will eliminate any possibility of a post-tornado vibes sneaking up on you. This may even take 3 minutes once your partner contributes some free labor.
2) Give your partner designated shelf and closet space
You are still telling your friends “it’s still casual.” You’ve been known to say, “omg, ew, we’re not DATING. We’re just, um, friends.” It’s fine, we believe you, you’re not dating. You’re just spending 100% of your free time together, toggling through Netflix for 27 minutes before finally agreeing to fall asleep together to that documentary about that one tribe in the Amazon who never quite figured out it isn’t 1200 A.D. anymore.
We’re not forcing you to “define the relationship” but we would suggest, for the time being, getting organized about your toothbrushes, nightwear and make-up (if applicable). Designate areas in the bathroom for toothbrushes (his/her and his/her’s mason jars are a super cute and trendy option), and stock the closet with extra hangers. Buy another hamper, and while you’re at it, hit up Amazon Basics (no relation to the documentary mentioned earlier) to buy some dirt cheap power cords and charging cables to keep your devices organized as well while they charge together (and hold hands via WiFi).
3) Throw things out, together
It’s easier to make sure all of your things are in order if you have less things. As minutes turn to weeks, things pile up. Souvenirs from that one time you both went to Dave and Busters (or a carnival) and won a stuffed, smiling T-Rex the size of a toddler don’t need to stay with you two until you’re as extinct as the T-Rex. Same goes for old outfits you’d never wear again (no one wears Abercrombie anymore), leftover disposable party supplies (unless of course, you’re planning an engagement party) and other dust collectors you two have amassed while you were (or weren’t) dating. It’s hard to throw things out by yourself because you become attached (isn’t this ironic) and convince yourself that it’s essential to your being. With a partner, this because much easier. Often times, a good partner will throw things out before you even have the chance to scream, “BUT WAIT, THOSE PANTS ARE GOING TO FIT ME AGAIN! I’VE BEEN EATING LESS PIZZA!” This is also good practice as cuffing season comes to a close 4 months down the road and you’re hit with the ultimate ultimatum – keep him/her around or “new phone, who dis?”
You can always hire a Maid Sailors to show up, step inside and revamp your pig-pen in the time it takes you two to watch (and maybe re-watch) the season finale of Big Little Lies. But then again, where’s the romance in that?